The New Intern By Anonymous
[Names deleted to protect the awesome]
Gary Stew had long looked forward to the opportunity to intern on the famous call-in show “Shut Up, Weirdo” at the world famous radio station WFMU in glittering Jersey City. Gary parked his Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R outside the steel and glass tower that housed the internationally famous and awesome radio station, and confidently strode inside, casually brushing away his alluring black hair from his forehead.
As a student at the prestigious University of Manhattan, Harvard’s main rival in prestigiousness, he had the high honor of being able to intern for Andy and Frangry because of his brilliant work and high recommendation from Professor Sarnoff, the dean of the Department of Radio Studies. His handsome good looks and the fact that he was universally liked by everyone in New York helped too.
“Hi, I’m here to start my internship with Andy and Frangry,” he smiled to the receptionist in the gleaming ultramodern lobby of WFMU.
“Oh!” beamed the lovely receptionist, who resembled Kate Moss. “You are so lucky to be able to work with Andy and Frangry. And I’m sure you’ll be great at it!” she beamed again. “Just go on up to the ‘Shut Up, Weirdo’ studio complex — it’s on the 88th floor,” she beamed a third time. “Here, let me hang up your totally awesome leather jacket.”
Then she turned to the next visitor and said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Lou Reed, you can’t come in. Please go away. You’re not cool enough to visit here anymore.”
Upon arriving on the 88th floor, Gary was taken aback by the bustle of activity. “Coming through!” shouted a worker. “I need to get this rack of high-fashion outfits to Miss Frangry‘s dressing room right away!” he bustled. “Delivery for Mr. Andy!” shouted another deliveryman. “Where should I put this crate of extremely highbrow Russian books?” he questioned.
A pretty woman with glasses and a clipboard rushed up to Gary. “You must be Gary Stew. I can tell because you are the handsomest man I have ever seen,” she cuddled. “My name is Sherry. I’m Nick the Bard’s executive assistant. I’m also a Ph.D. and beauty-pageant winner, which will be apparent when I remove my eyeglasses and let down my hair. Please walk this way.
She brought him to large high-ceilinged corner office with famous art-museum paintings and a panoramic view of the Manhattan skyline. “Please wait here. Andy & Frangry are excited to meet you. Would you like some caviar or premium-brand vodka?” A moment later, Andy and Frangry entered and sat on their twin velvet thrones.
“Thank you so much for agreeing to intern with us. We know you had your pick of prestigious radio shows to work on, and we’re so glad you picked ours. You are the most in-demand intern in the whole world. We are so excited to have you with us,” said Andy, who was wearing his customary office tuxedo.
“Yes,” added Frangry. “We are so excited you decided to join Team Weirdo. Can I get you more of this expensive caviar?” She was wearing a beautiful famous-fashion-designer gown and looked beautiful.
“No caviar for me. I just wasn’t to do a good job and help out with ‘Shut Up, Weirdo,’” Gary said amiably.
“By the way,” said Frangry, “You are very handsome and smart, and you have a great voice. Can I marry you?”
“No time for that,” abrupted Andy. “‘Shut Up, Weirdo’ begins in one minute. We have to get over to Studio A!”
The three rushed to the studio just as the crack WFMU production team cued up the intro music.
“It’s 6pm Friday. We have the best new intern ever! And it’s time for ‘Shut Up, Weirdo,’” Andy trilled into the microphone. Behind the glass, Billy Jam adjusted his kilt and dreadlocks and looked on enviously as Gary worked behind the scenes to make sure the broadcast went smoothly.
“Where’s my iPhone?” Frangry cried alarmedly during the first commercial break. “How will I read text messages during the show?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find it,” said Gary, which he then did immediately and with utter ease.
“Thanks,” cooed Frangry gratefully. “You are the best intern ever.”
During the second break, Andy panicked when he realized his detailed notes about Frankenhooker and Alexander Nevsky where nowhere to be found. But Gary had recently seen both films at a double feature and gave Andy all the extremely detailed info he needed.
Everything went smoothly until Station Manager Ken rushed in and announced that WFMU would have to go off the air that minute unless someone could fix the main broadcastimizer that powered the station.
“The reactor core! It’s a bazillion degrees in there,” blurbled a panicked Ken. “If it blows up, millions of people in Jersey City will be dead, and WFMU will be off the air!”
Thinking quickly, Gary rushed into action. “All we have to do is switch to emergency backup,” he said, throwing the appropriate switch on the control board.
“You did it! You saved WFMU and Jersey City,” the station manager victoried. “You are the bravest intern WFMU has ever had. In my 27 years in broadcasting, I have never seen anyone better at radio than you,” grinned Ken. “When you graduate, I want you to become a permanent member of the WFMU team. We’ll give you your own show, any time slot you want, and pay you a million dollars a year. When can you start?”
“That’s all right, Station Manager Ken,” Gary demured handsomly. “All I want is to make ‘Shut Up, Weirdo’ the best call-in show it can be.”
“We are eternally grateful.” said Frangry. “Please marry me.”
“No, marry me!” said Andy.
“Andy, you’re already married,” observed Frangry.
“You’re right!” Andy said, and they all had a really good laugh for a really long time.
THE END
